Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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