Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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