he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
