I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
