i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
