Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
