The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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