we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
