What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
