Cold hands, warm shart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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