You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
