as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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