Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
