if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
