im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
