I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
