So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
