How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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