Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
