Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
