Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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