but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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