he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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