Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
