and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
