You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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