Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
God I need to hump something, right now.
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