wrigley field is MILF paradise
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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