If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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