I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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