I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
