I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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