I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
