I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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