I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
