if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
