4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
