Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
