so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm having to shit out rocks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
