Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
