i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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