Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
