im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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