Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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