the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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