why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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