The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
