I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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