well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
