I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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