ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
