just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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