So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We have so much sex to catch up on
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
