I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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