And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
