Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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