oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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