Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
