i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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