he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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