My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
