So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
