I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
