the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
