wrigley field is MILF paradise
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Even my vagina gasped.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
